The Pornstar EP

by Responsible Johnny

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released May 1, 2010

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Responsible Johnny Dallas, Texas

Imagine a unicorn that feeds you candy that tastes like rainbows. That’s how good Responsible Johnny sounds. Imagine Johnny Ramone coming back from the dead, punching Joe Queer in the face, and then making sweet, sweet love to him. Responsible Johnny is as powerful as their baby when it cries. ... more

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Track Name: My Girl's A Pornstar
My girl’s a screamer and she likes it rough
My girl just can’t seem to get enough
My girl’s a lady and she’s got some class
But she makes her living getting boned in the ass

‘Cause my girl’s a pornstar

On Monday she’s in leather, and she’s whippin’ a chick
And on Tuesday she’ll be wearing a strap on dick
On Wednesday through Friday she’ll be learning her lines
But when the weekend comes, she’s all mine

‘Cause my girl’s a pornstar

My girl’s a pro, and she loves the DP
But it’s kinda hard to tell if she loves me
She’s kinda short, and she’s kinda blunt
When she reassures me with two guys in her cunt

‘Cause my girl’s a pornstar
She’s out on DVD
Track Name: Let Me Be Your Fetish
Look at me, I’ve got a fetish
I’ll love you freaky if you’ll let me
Look into your nostrils
With a plastic speculum
While you’re drinking chocolate milk
Out of a cheerleader’s bum

Lemme lick your stretch marks
While you’re tugging on my nipples, babe
Lemme touch your scars
While you spank me with a ruler, babe
Dress like a raccoon
While you’re spittin’ on a kitten, babe
Let me be your fetish, baby

Look at me, I’ve got a fetish
I’ll love you freaky if you’ll let me
Dress you up in diapers
With a rubber pacifier
While I read a chinese cookbook
And throw doll hair on a fire

Electrocute my taint
While you’re licking on my toenails, babe
Cover me in paint
While you punch me in the kidney, babe
Keister a wild badger
While you’re kissin’ on my grandma, babe
Let me be your fetish, baby

Vomit on my toothbrush
While I’m singing mama mia, babe
Put staples through my tongue
While you’re watching Punky Brewster, babe
Skydive in a gimp mask
While you’re wearing Hitler’s mustache, babe
Let me be your fetish, baby
Track Name: My Girlfriend's Girlfriend
My girlfriend's girlfriend
Has a big ol' box of toys
Tries to kiss me when she's drunk
But she says that she hates boys
My girlfriend's girlfriend
She moved in here last week
Now she's tying up the bathroom
And it's looking kind of bleak

My girlfriend's girlfriend thinks that I’m a...
My girlfriend's girlfriend thinks that I’m a jerk

My girlfriend's girlfriend
I don't think she's very nice
They're both going out for lobster
While I'm eating beans and rice
My girlfriend's girlfriend
She drives an SUV
There's nothing I can do
To make that bitch like me

My girlfriend's girlfriend thinks that I’m a...
My girlfriend's girlfriend thinks that I’m a jerk

My girlfriend's girlfriend
She has achy breaky hair
They make out on my couch
And they yell at me when I stare
My girlfriend's girlfriend
Keeps her toothbrush at my place
They talk about gay marriage
And they rub it in my face

My girlfriend's girlfriend thinks that I’m a...
My girlfriend's girlfriend thinks that I’m a jerk

My girlfriend's girlfriend
Likes to wave the rainbow flag
She preaches 'bout gay rights
But keeps calling me a fag
My girlfriend's girlfriend
She keeps trying to pick a fight
I'm paying all the rent
And sleeping on the couch at night

My girlfriend's girlfriend thinks that I’m a...
My girlfriend's girlfriend thinks that I’m a jerk
Track Name: Stupid Anime Girl
Let’s grab a big ol’ robot
We’ll go destroy a town
We’ll fight some supervillains
And knock some ninjas down

Or you could wear a wg
And dress like Sailor Moon
We could watch some Code Lyoko
And wast the afternoon

Stupid anime girl
Your life / your life’s not a cartoon

I could get some spiky hair
I could have a shady past
Work at a school for vampires
You and I could have a blast

Or I could be passive agressive
And you could be a jerk
Watch Trigun and ignore me
Till it’s time to go to work

Stupid anime girl
Your life / your life’s not a cartoon

This ain’t Voltron
Why don’t you get a job
Maybe you do some dishes
And stop being a fucking slob
We’ve got a Bubblegum Crisis
I’ve already packed my bags
But you can keep the manga
This is starting to be a drag